Malawi 2004 - 2007 |
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Death as Part of Life
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There are ten people working for CEYCA. In the first three weeks of my employment seven of the staff had time off to attend a funeral. Whilst some of these deaths were the result of old age five were tragic. Desmond lost a sister, Mafuto , an older brother, and I asked Richard why he did not come to the football last Saturday as we had planned. He had been to a funeral. Abraham's (finance assistant) son aged five had been trying to cross the road and was killed by a speeding mini-bus on Friday evening. This is not supposed to happen, but cars and people inhabit the same space on the road and there is a trust that people will get out of the way or that vehicles will find a way to avoid them. The horn is supposed to clear a path. A five year old in Malawi does not know all the rules just as a child in England does not. Arthur is our language teacher. We were learning how to ask about the family. This led him into an area of painful recollection. He had had two children. One fell sick, aged two years, and by the time he found a doctor who recognised leukaemia as the illness it was too late. He now has one son and he is not sure whether he wants another child. He is also feeling guilty because he has no time to nurse his sister who is dying of AIDs. He has to leave it to his mother who is finding difficult to cope. He will assuage his guilt by breaking the code of silence and declaring the cause of death at her funeral. A few weeks ago I attended a funding workshop at a hotel which hosts a number of conferences and workshops each day. On the final day of the three day event we became aware that another workshop had finished earlier than expected. The reason? That morning a Zambian man had failed to arrive at the workshop - he was dead in his bed. As the workshop was closed people left to go home. Two men argued about who was sit in the front of a vehicle with the result that one man left to take a mini-bus . The decision lead to his death in a crash. I came to work to run a staff meeting. Charity was not there. Over the weekend the radio had reported on a major road accident. Two trucks had collided on a narrow mountain road near Dedza . One of them contained a choir from a poor area in Lilongwe in its open back. They were thrown like confetti into the air. 31 had sung their last hymn. They were on their way to sing at the laying of a tombstone. Charity's mother and Mphatso's aunt will now have their own. Accidents are a big cause of death and injury - it is not only HIV/AIDS that robs families of loved ones. I have just finished a two-day workshop for Trustees. On the second day two of the participants looked tired. Mrs Kazembe told me that she had not been to bed because a tombstone was to placed for her sister and it required an all night vigil. It would not interfere with the regular flow of life, however. Even more disturbing was the story from David M. man in his late thirties who is a Magistrate in Lilongwe. He explained that he had to look after his four children. Unfortunately his wife had died two years ago. He went on to explain that 23 men had surrounded their house, broken down the door, and shot her in front of the children. They then wrecked the house and stole everything. I asked how he could hold his life together after that experience - belief in God's purpose was what sustained him. He still had physical and spiritual energy to spare for CEYCA. The absence of people from work is the silent testament to the grieving over the death of loved ones. Little is said other than " M is at a funeral ". Details are not usually offered beyond the identification of the person. People are often back to work quite quickly. Employers contribute to the cost of the funeral - CEYCA contributed the fuel for a Water Authority truck loaned to transport mourners to Abraham's funeral. Abraham came back to work a week later. I went to him to tell him how sorry I was to hear of his loss. He managed a slightly embarrassed smile and said "thank you ". Nothing more was said after that and no emotion was expressed. A more positive and inspiring challenge to the inevitability of death was the meeting with Mrs G., a teacher at a secondary school who spoke to us. Some ten years ago she had problems with her husband. She had contracted syphilis from him, her sole sexual partner. She was pregnant at the time of her infection, which led to the birth of a child with disabilities. She sought treatment but her husband refused to approach any medical help. She stayed with her husband, but withdrew physical contact. Eventually her husband left to be with another woman. When he came back after many months he had been thrown out by his new partner. He was in a bad physical state, but refused get tested. Again she took the initiative and found that she was HIV positive. From the depths of this pit of despair she sought help from a Christian counselling and support service. She carried on with teaching, became a volunteer with the centre, helped women to raise funds by making and selling HIV bead badges, and of all things, took back her husband to care for him. "He has changed. If only he had been like this before he would have been a model husband ". ***************************
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